Impressions
by Butterflies Go BOOM
Summary: A reworking of an old OC. Character studies. Deidara/OC, possible Sasori/Deidara hints. Rated M for language and adult themes.
1. Introduction

Authors Note: Hi all! This account has been dead for a very long time. I wanted to do some writing again and as practice I'm going to do a character study of my very old OC, Aiko. You can find the original story by Lies To U here on ff, "Our Time of Dying".

1.

Their introduction was awkward. Deidara could feel the waves of uneasiness emanating from her closed form. She didn't want to be here and he didn't want her to be here. There was no misunderstanding, in that respect.

If only she didn't have red hair. It burned in Deidara's vision like some glowing symbol of irony meant to torture him. Did Pein do this on purpose? Pair him with another red-head? Remind him of his failures? He hated to admit it but it was bothering him, more than it should have. Every time he glanced her way he saw nothing but the infuriating red hair.

"Why won't you look at me?"

Her voice wasn't angry or demanding. She didn't even seem curious. Her apathy only hurt him more. An apathetic redhead. Again.

"You're not worth looking at," he spat.

He heard her sigh and begin to walk away. Deidara finally turned and looked at her retreating form, some unknown rage boiling inside of him. He willed her to disappear. Give him his old partner back. Her red braid swayed behind her, the pendulum marking the time her presence would remain.

"Why are you even here?" he screamed at her, spittle flying from his mouth.

She turned and looked him dead in the eye for the first time. "I am here for my own reasons," she said in a strained voice, "If you have a problem with me, take it up with Pein. I will not be subjected to your anger for your cathartic enjoyment."

Deidara's eyes were wide with fury, jaw so tight he could feel his teeth straining. She looked him over for a moment.

"And I thought I was a fucking mess."

Aiko turned and walked away without another thought to Deidara. He waited until she was out of sight before he fell on his knees. His jaw unclenched and his eyes began to water. It was karma, wasn't it? It had to be.

Another fucking redhead.


	2. Love

Author's Note: Just so you're all aware, these don't happen in any sort of narrative order.

2.

Cold metal pressed against her throat. Through a haze of blood, she saw Deidara stiffen. The man with the kunai to her throat was breathing heavily in her ear.

"Drop down or I kill your bitch!" the man screamed, his voice cracking. Perhaps not a man at all.

Deidara hovered, never lowering or moving his clay bird. His face betrayed no emotion. Aiko could smell the man's breath and the sweat on his hands. Her own sweat had turned cold when she had felt the man's arm grab her throat.

"I said, drop down!"

The man sounded desperate now. His voice was high and strangled. Around him the bodies of his comrades began to bake in the hot sun. They couldn't be identified. They had been blown to bits. Aiko stared at Deidara, her eyes never wavering from his.

The tip of the kunai pierced the skin of her throat as the man began screaming again. Aiko's hands were already grasping the man's arm that held her. Finally breaking Deidara's eye contact, she pushed all her chakra from her feet to her arms. In one swift motion, she flipped the man over her body and onto the ground in front of her.

As soon as the man's back hit the ground he began screaming. She pulled one of her broad swords out of its sheath and brought it down on the man's neck. She had tried to behead him and end it quickly but her cut was on an angle. Instead the man gurgled and gasped, drowning in his own blood. As she turned to walk away, Deidara landed his bird. They were gone before the man died.

"Have you ever loved anyone?"

They were eating lunch while flying. Aiko chewed for a moment while she thought about how to answer the blonde's question.

"Depends on your definition of love, I guess," she answered between chews. A piece of rice flew out her mouth. "Like, romantic love? Familial love? Friend love?"

"I guess romantic love, hm," he said, gazing out over the landscape.

"Maybe."

Deidara turned to Aiko after a moment of silence. "Maybe? That's all I get?"

"Well it's kind of a personal question. And I'm not even sure if I know what romantic love feels like."

Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Aiko said around a mouth full of food, "I never had time to really care. Does it feel like butterflies in your stomach? 'Cause that sounds painful. Does it make you stupid? 'Cause that seems like it would seriously hinder daily life, especially for people like us. So no. I don't know if I've ever been in 'real' love."

"Pfff," Deidara smirked, "You're telling the truth. You really don't know what love is. Because I can assure you it's none of those things, hmm."

"Well then what is it, 'sensei'?" Her sarcasm dripped off the words like some physical slime.

"It's like, uh" Deidara struggled, "being best friends with someone but also fucking them occasionally."

Aiko snorted.

"No, really. Like, wanting to see them better themselves and not hating them after spending a week straight with them. I think."

"You think?" Aiko smirked, "Well then have you ever been in love?"

Deidara was silent. Aiko searched his face for some sort of hurt or resentment but found none. Instead she found simple, genuine concentration.

"No," he finally said, "I think I thought I was. But I wasn't. Not really."

Aiko nodded and stared at the sky. Cloudless blue filled her vision. She didn't notice Deidara staring at her and wondering whether or not he had just lied.

She was too preoccupied with the thought that she had just lied too.


	3. Light

3.

There was too much screaming. Aiko could barely make heads or tails of where she was, let alone where Deidara was. Things, _people_, were on fire and running in the streets. The destruction was massive but necessary. The woman currently holding her attention kept making shadow clones of herself to fight. Aiko had no time for this.

She shot off an array of needles, aimed at every shadow clone's throat. One wasn't a clone and the rest disappeared. The needle pierced her trachea. The woman wouldn't last long once the needle was out. Aiko jumped out of the doomed woman's way to search for Deidara.

A force threw her back. Her vision was engulfed in white.

There was no time to react, no time to think. Her body was thrown against a wall of a building and she sat there, dazed. She tried to open her eyes.

Nothing happened.

A trembling hand reached towards her face. Screams and sounds of destruction were crystal clear, reverberating against her eardrums. But the touch of her hand against her eyeball was what drove her to scream.

She was blinded.

"Deidara!" she screamed, fear flooding her body. First her feet began shaking. Then her stomach tightened. Her hands began shaking.

"_Deidara!"_

Her screams mingled with dying town. He didn't hear her. He wouldn't hear her. She was blind in a city of fire and death with no one to help her.

Aiko began crawling through the dust, one hand along the wall of the building. As she rounded the corner her head knocked into some barrels. She felt for the top and ripped it open. Her hands felt inside to find some sort of liquid. It was only about halfway full. Willing herself to stay steady, she put one foot in the barrel. Then the next. She grabbed the top of the barrel and crouched inside to wait.

"How long will it last?"

The doctor rambled off some estimates. Aiko wasn't listening. She was focusing on trying to make out the shadow of her hand.

She knew her hand was in front of her face. When she moved it, she could see a shift in the darkness. For the life of her, though, she couldn't make out her fucking hand.

"Thank you," Deidara said, grabbing Aiko's bicep to lead her out of the examination room.

As soon as they were outside, she could see grey. It wasn't great, but it beat black.

"You'll be able to see again in a few days, maybe a week," Deidara said mildly.

"I was listening," she contested.

"No you weren't."

They walked in silence for a few moments.

"At least it's not permanent."

"Shut up, Deidara."

"I know you feel like you've been weakened but-"

"I said shut _up_!" she snapped.

They walked in silence. Deidara watched as a few rebel tears slid down Aiko's cheek. He knew she blamed him and that was alright.


	4. Dark

4.

Deidara woke groggily from sleep. A glance at the clock told him it was somewhere between 1 and 2 in the morning. A sigh escaped his lips. What had woken him?

A rectangle of light appeared as someone opened the door to his hotel room.

"Danna what the hell-" he said, a hand over his face. Then the figure registered in his memory.

Aiko stood in the doorway, motionless. Deidara froze, realizing his mistake. Neither of them moved as the seconds elongated into small eternities. His stomach knotted.

Aiko stepped into the doorway and flipped on the lights, making Deidara wince. She marched to the edge of his bed, her body rigid. Deidara braced himself, still squinting as his eyes adjusted to the lights.

"Who the fuck is 'Danna'?" she asked her voice low and raspy.

"Aiko it was a mistake-"

"_Who is he?"_

Deidara stared into her blue eyes, watching them straining to keep the tears in. It had been over a year since they had become partners and he couldn't believe he still slipped up. He tried to form a coherent thought in his head but his mind became jumbled with the thoughts of Sasori's face. His mouth opened to reply, but nothing came out.

Aiko stared at him for a few moments and whipped around, heading for the door.

"Aiko, wait!"

She stopped at the door. "For what?" she asked, "For some confession? I'd rather be kept in the dark, thanks."

As she opened the door he blurted, "He's dead."

Aiko's hand froze on the doorknob, the yellow light of the hallway just a sliver in the doorframe.

"Please come back," Deidara whispered.

Aiko stood in the doorway, still. Something heavy hung in the air between them, a silent cry of loss and anger.

"I need some air."

The door opened and the lights flicked off. Aiko closed the door with a soft click. Her footsteps echoed down the hall. Deidara flopped down onto his pillow and rubbed his eyes.

They never spoke of it and Deidara never slipped up again.


	5. Seeking Solace

5.

Aiko hated big cities. The reeked of decay and smoke. No matter what city she journeyed to, no matter who she was with, she wrinkled her nose almost constantly. Deidara insisted that it was hilarious to see her pull her cloak over her nose but she could always smell the death lingering in the alleyways and rudimentary sewers.

On a mission in Kumokagure Aiko bought a sick mask to cover her lower face. Deidara no longer laughed- Aiko was serious about the stench, it seemed, and she did not take kindly to his jokes. To go so far as to buy a mask was more than she had ever done before. He kept his mouth shut.

Aiko's eyes shifted to the alleyways and piles of trash littering the dark corners of the city. Her stomach became queasy. The mask helped, but the stench infiltrated the strong cloth.

"I have to get out of here," she said, addressing Deidara but looking straight ahead.

He was taken aback. "But you can't, we have to-"

"No," she said sternly, "I'm getting out of here. Report me if you want, I don't care."

She looked around quickly and then dived into an alleyway. Deidara, shocked, watched her retreating form for a moment before snapping back.

"Hey! Wait!"

He ran after her but she was too fast. She turned a corner and disappeared.

"Shit," he muttered to himself, "Where the fuck did she go, hm?"

Deidara wandered about the city for some time, looking for any trace of her. He found none. He decided to proceed with his mission. Information gathering could be done alone.

When he was preparing to leave, he wondered how he would find her. She couldn't get back on her own without money and he didn't feel comfortable leaving her here. As soon as he was a few paces outside the city gates, though, he saw where she had went.

Down the mountain a way he saw an outcropping of large pines. Climbing on his bird, he flew to the sparse amount of greens and used his scope. Sure enough, Aiko was under the pines, sitting alone.

"What the fuck, Aiko?" he growled as he landed.

Her eyes shot open and she stood. He noticed her mask was gone.

"Sorry," she murmured.

"You can't just leave," he said, exasperated, "Especially just because of a damn smell, hm!"

"I'm sorry, alright?" she said, raising her voice.

They stood staring angrily at each other for a few moments. Then her body relaxed all at once, like she had been some marionette that had had her strings held too tight.

"You ever have a smell that reminds you of something bad?" she asked him.

Deidara just looked at her. She sighed.

"Well the smell of big cities is one of those smells for me. I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble but I just... I just couldn't do it, ok?"

Aiko's eyes pleaded with him to forgive her, just this once. Deidara shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"Whatever. From now on, though, at least tell me where you're going," he said, turning back towards his bird.

She didn't respond but followed him back to his bird. They took off, leaving the city and its stench behind them.


	6. Breaking Away

6.

Deidara woke up, sweating. He sat up, a hand on his chest. The dream had hurt. He had seen Sasori again, but-

His bedmate rolled over. He looked at their red hair and his hand tentatively reached out to stroke it. It wasn't right, though. Too long. The body too real.

He pulled his hand away and rubbed his face instead. He couldn't keep doing this. Sasori was gone. She was here. Why did he have to keep mistaking the two? It wasn't fair to her. It wasn't even fair to himself. He knew better and yet he kept putting himself through needless pain time and time again.

Sasori's face sprang to his mind. Or was it? Could he even really remember his face anymore? Or his voice? It was like an echo in his mind, there but incomplete. The only solid thing Deidara saw was that red hair and the lifeless stare.

Aiko's deep breathing clocked the seconds that passed. Deidara looked over at her and really _looked_. Yes she had red hair. In the end, that was the only thing that connected the two. Her blue eyes radiated life when she was awake. Her voice full of energy and emotion. Recently, her soft skin was what warmed him at night. The two were so different. Why did his mind insist on comparing the two?

He needed to set Sasori's memory to rest. Carefully sliding out of bed so as not to disturb Aiko, he slipped out of the room. Deidara ran down the halls and nearly fell over trying to get outside, his hand chewing clay the entire time. He created an owl and took flight over the forest, silently gliding in the cool night air.

He traveled for some time. His bare chest was numb with wind chill but it kept him awake. The stars above him seemed to dance in his watering eyes.

He spotted the site and landed. The area was nothing more than an outcropping of rocks now, a landmark to no one but himself. He stood on the tallest rock and looked at the ground. Sasori's image filled his vision.

"No," he said aloud to the imaginary visage, "You're dead. I will mourn you no longer. Rest now, you restless memory and leave me be, hm?"

The image faded but did not leave him. Deidara gave an annoyed smile, tears running down his cheeks now. He looked up at the surrounding rocks and screamed.

"Go!" he screamed, his voice cracking, "Leave me alone! You said your art was eternal but I never thought it would be like this! I don't want your face haunting me for an eternity! So just fucking go, you asshole!"

His voice echoed back at him in the silent night. Nothing but the wind answered him. He panted, looking around at the rocks. Finally, he gave a small chuckle.

"Look at me, what an asshole," he said, "Yelling at a dead guy."

He chuckled some more and the chuckles turned into laughter. The laughter turned into full blown, gasping for air cackling. Tears rolled down his cheeks and the hideous laughter continued. He felt insane.

Slowly he calmed. He panted, smiling and looking around at the rocks.

"That's that, hm?"

He climbed on his owl and took off without a second glance back at the site. When he arrived home he climbed into bed and stroked Aiko's hair softly. He was asleep within minutes.

Aiko pretended to be asleep when he came home. As soon as he touched her hair she knew something was different. As his breathing turned to snores she decided that whatever had changed had to have been good. She snuggled herself closer to him and smiled.


	7. Heaven

7.

Being a member of the Akatsuki was their lives. You had no choice, really. Most didn't mind as they had left no one behind. Aiko did. She would regularly disappear every few weeks, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week. Pein never seemed to mind as he never demanded to know where she went or what she did. Deidara knew they must have some unspoken contract started when she joined. But Aiko never told him where she went.

She would disappear almost out of thin air. Often she would say she was going out for a walk and then wouldn't return. The first time it happened, Deidara was infuriated when she came back. She had 'gone for a walk' and had not returned for three days. She acted like she had only been gone a few minutes and chastised him for overreacting. As it happened more over the course of a few months, his anger stopped and his curiosity peaked.

She never gave anything away. He would ask her leading questions when she least expected it to try and surprise her into giving him a clue. Aiko never slipped up- she never admitted she went anywhere as a small smile played at the edge of her lips. After a course of a year, Deidara left her alone. She wanted to keep her secret and he could accept that.

One night Deidara went to her room to fetch her. He knocked on her door and received no answer. He opened the door to a dark room, completely devoid of any life. He sighed, accepting her disappearance once more. He went back to his room and fell asleep.

_BANG._

Deidara woke with a jump, hands reaching for his clay pouches in case of attack. He could hear a low wailing noise from down the hall. It sounded like a hurt animal. He wrapped his belt of pouches around his waist and crept towards his door. The wailing noise hadn't stopped and it sounded like something was intent on breaking everything in sight. Deidara snuck out his door and towards the noise. It was coming from Aiko's room.

Bracing himself, he threw open her door only to find a disheveled Aiko surrounded by broken glass and ceramics, wailing. She had a box of matches in one hand and was attempting to open her safe with the other.

"Aiko?"

Her head whipped around to look at him. Her eyes were red, tears running down her face in an almost constant stream. Her nose was covered in dried snot, a trickle of blood running down one nostril and onto her upper lip. Her lips were red and raw, broken in some areas. She was a mess.

"Aiko, what's wrong?"

Aiko turned away from him and kept attempting to open her safe with trembling hands. Her low wailing noise had not stopped. He wasn't even sure if she knew she was doing it. The safe opened with a soft click and Deidara's eyes widened. Inside were stacks and stacks of money. More money than he had ever seen in his life all in one place. Aiko's attention focused then to her box of matches. Her shaking fingers were able to grab one and she began attempting to light it.

"No, Aiko, stop!" Deidara said, closing the door behind him and kneeling down to grab her arms. Bits of glass bit at the flesh of his knees but he didn't notice. Looking into her confused and watering eyes he said, "What's happened?"

Aiko looked at him and actually saw him for the first time since he had come in. Her wailing stopped and a choking noise came out of her throat instead. Her bloody lips trembled as she tried to get the words out.

"H-He's d-d-d-dead!" she finally blurted out, a fresh burst of crying and choking noises erupting from her mouth, "It w-was all f-f-for nothing! He's d-dead!"

Deidara grabbed her head and pulled her into his chest. She dropped the matchbox and her match and clawed at his back. She cried into his embrace for what seemed like hours. Slowly the cries turned into whimpers and the whimpers turned into small hiccups. He stroked her hair, waiting for the grief to pass.

Eventually she was silent. Deidara stopped stroking her hair and looked down. She had fallen asleep. He picked her up and carried her to his room, making sure to shut her safe first. Aiko slept soundly, her body weak with sadness and accepting the temporary escape.

"So what happened?"

Aiko stared at her breakfast in bed. Deidara was being very kind to her but she felt nothing. She didn't even want to eat the breakfast he had prepared and she felt guilty. He deserved something for his trouble. She stared at her food for some time before responding.

"My father died."

Deidara said nothing, only waited.

"He had been dying of some disease," she said, her voice hoarse, "He's had it since I could remember. Almost always bedridden. When my mother died, I had to look after him. We were very close. I always was trying to get him the best care possible. I know that they could cure the disease but the money was always out of my grasp. I just couldn't afford the treatment."

She stared at her hands. She didn't want to see Deidara's pity if it was on his face. She didn't want his pity, she wanted her father back.

"I started stealing. Little stuff at first, getting bigger every time. But I could never save up enough. So I started doing some bigger jobs. Then I got recruited here and I thought I would finally be able to save up enough to get him the treatment. Finally."

Aiko willed the tears to stay back but there was no stopping them. They began washing down her face once more.

"I was about a thousand away. I was so close."

Deidara made no move to comfort her. He knew nothing would make her feel better for a while. He let her cry.

"Now I'll never see him again. The village had already buried him by the time I visited."

"Do you believe in an afterlife? Perhaps you could see him again, just not as soon as you wanted," Deidara offered, unsure of what else to say.

"Even if I did believe in an afterlife," she said, looking at him with a sad smile, "Do you really think _we'll_ go wherever he's going?"


	8. Innocence

8.

Their first time was filled with pent up rage and need. They had been partners for half a year and they had been too dry for too long. It was in the middle of an argument when Deidara had shut her mouth with his and they had proceeded to rip each other's clothes nearly to shreds. Their sweat commingled in the sheets, held frustration finally being released.

It was decidedly awkward afterwards. Neither really knew the other. Aiko got up to clean herself off and dress. Deidara laid in bed and looked anywhere but her glistening body. The air tingled with the electric shock of tension.

"So can we agree that that meant nothing?" Aiko said, pulling on her underwear.

Deidara nodded. It was silent for a few more moments, the tension in the room still high. Neither knew what to say.

"Will it be different now?" she asked.

Deidara finally turned towards her. She was pulling on a bra and looking at him. He couldn't discern any specific emotion on her face. Then again, he couldn't even figure out what his emotions were at the moment.

"Probably. Guess it depends on if you want it to be different," he finally said, looking away from her.

"Well," she pulled her shirt over her head before continuing, "I'd rather it not be."

"Then it wont," Deidara said, shrugging. He resolved himself to keep that promise as best he could. He forced himself to look at her. She was fully clothed but still radiant after the influx of hormones. Her skin seemed to glow. He couldn't help but think she was beautiful. Then again, he was a giant raging hormone himself- he couldn't trust his thoughts right now.

Deidara got up to get dressed. Aiko sat on the edge of the bed, respectfully looking directly at his face or at a wall. The two were no longer high-strung.

"So who was your first?"

Deidara looked up at the ceiling, a small smile tugging at his lips. He pulled his pants on as he said, "A brunette named Kaia. I think I was, hmm," he paused, struggling to remember, "Sixteen? Seventeen?" He zipped his pants and sat back on the bed. "What about you?"

Aiko looked at the door and let herself smile. "He was my cell when I was in training. His name was Ginjiro. It was obviously long after we had graduated."

Both sat and reflected for a moment.

"Was your Kaia good?" she asked.

Deidara laughed, "Good? I don't know. It was my first time. I was completely overwhelmed. Probably didn't last three minutes."

Aiko laughed.

"What about your Ginjira?"

"Ginjiro."

"Whatever."

Aiko thought about it for a moment before saying, "I think he loved me. Which was really too bad because I didn't really have any romantic feelings for him. It was one night. Our relationship changed a lot after that. Which is why I asked you if we were ok after. I don't like ruining friendships because of one night stands."

Deidara laughed but his chest was tight. He didn't think he loved her. He hadn't loved someone for some time. Yet something inside him cried out in pain as her words floated in the air.


	9. Drive

9.

Watching Aiko kill was fascinating.

Deidara had never been one for close range attacks. He preferred staying above the action, not in it. Aiko, however, used very little jutsu of any kind so she was always within arm's reach of her opponent.

Her first kill had been a political assassination. Nothing fancy, just kill the man and any witnesses and be done with it. The politician was traveling to the Land of Fire. All Aiko and Deidara had to do was make sure he never reached the border.

No one thought this man was important. A minor politician from the Land of the Wind who relayed some messages back and forth between the Hokages. The Akatsuki was going to get their man as a replacement for the doomed politician. Very little security as he mostly would relay economic statistics.

It was their first mission together. Aiko had insisted she would not get on Deidara's birds. There was a minor argument which ended in Deidara staying low and Aiko jumping through the trees. They had vague location, timing wasn't of the essence.

As soon as Deidara located the man through his scope he whistled to Aiko. She stopped jumping and Deidara circled back around so as not to be seen. He jumped to the nearest tree and whispered the approximate location. Aiko nodded and jumped off.

Deidara moved until he could see the politician through his scope once more. He saw Aiko in the trees above the man. There were two guards, just kids getting some easy experience transporting some unimportant old fart between nations. He saw Aiko frown down at the children.

Then something in her eyes changed. It was subtle, but the crows feet of indecision suddenly smoothed. She crouched onto all fours and silently stalked the small group as they moved. The politician seemed to sense something off and looked around. The little party stopped. Deidara was too far away to hear what one of the kids said, but it seemed like he was berating the old man for worrying. The other kid laughed but looked around nervously. Aiko's forehead wrinkled in concentration. Deidara saw four small throwing needles appear in her hands. Her tongue poked out between her lips as she concentrated. Her wrist flicked and she jumped to an adjacent tree.

Down below her screams began. The two kids had their mouths open in, what looked like to Deidara, silent screams of terror. Needles stuck out of their open eyes, one for each pupil. They both fell to the ground either in a faint or in pain. The old man looked around, his mouth moving. Aiko waited until he turned away from her and then descended, broadswords gleaming. As she landed she brought the swords to the old man's neck and sliced his head off with no hesitation. She immediately jumped back into the cover of the forest. Deidara stopped watching.

He pulled back from the scene and waited, only looking out his normal eye. In less then a minute she was standing next to him.

"Satisfactory?" she asked.

"You didn't kill the kids."

"They didn't see me. All they know is that someone killed the man they were supposed to be guarding. The villages were going to find out the man was dead anyway."

There was a moment of silence as Deidara weighed the options.

"If they need to die, you do it," she said sharply, "I've done my share. I may be a criminal but I still don't feel right killing children."

Deidara shook his head, "No, you're right. They didn't see anything. We should be fine. The villages wont know anymore than they could have deduced from the old man's body anyway, hm."

Aiko nodded. "We head back then?"

"Yeah."

Aiko jumped off the branch and disappeared. Deidara looked at where she had been in silent appreciation.


	10. Breathe Again

10.

Deidara lay in bed with the redhead beside him. He was on the edge of sleep but couldn't quite make it. Something was wrong.

Frustrated, he opened one eye to see Sasori's blank face staring at the ceiling. Deidara huffed.

"Why aren't you breathing, hm?"

Sasori didn't look over. "I don't need to."

Deidara angrily shifted, beating his pillow with one hand, "I know _that_, I'm not an idiot-" Sasori glance over at him. "Hey, shut up!"

Deidara glared at him, willing Sasori to breathe or at least look back in Deidara's direction. The redhead did neither of these things. Silence hung like a dead weight above them.

"Does it bother you?" Sasori asked.

"It's not natural!"

Sasori just looked at him. Deidara rolled his eyes and sat up. Sasori was flustering him again.

"I mean I know you're not natural, I just-"

Sasori took a deep breath and let it out. Deidara stopped.

"Is it so important to you that I keep imitating life?"

Deidara didn't know what to say anymore. He was confused and angry. He didn't want to hear what Sasori was going to say next. He knew it was coming but he couldn't help feeling his body ache preemptively.

"I'm not really alive, Deidara. I'm sentient and have one functioning organ. I'm barely human. Don't forget that."

Deidara felt tears well up in his eyes. He rolled over and muttered, "You are to me."

–

Deidara rolled over to face the redhead. He heard deep breathing from the other side of the pillow. Pulling the blanket back, he saw the long red hair and the pale skin that wrinkled at the curves. He kissed the top of Aiko's head.

"Thank you for breathing," he whispered.


	11. Memory

11.

"Hey! Wait!"

Aiko shoved Deidara out of the way. Deidara took a step backwards and watched her rush to a vendor across the street. Normally he would've gone off on her but she had such a huge smile plastered on her face that he let it go.

She returned with a bag of chocolates. Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"These were my favorite as a kid!" she explained excitedly, "When Mom was alive she'd come home from work with a bag of these if I had done something good. I never knew how she knew I had done something good but.."

Her sentence trailed off as she opened the bag. As they began walking again, the crinkle of the plastic bag seemed strangely loud in Deidara's ear. Finally with a quiet "Ha!" Aiko had the bag open.

Deidara turned and watched her as she put the first chocolate in her mouth. Her huge grin faltered and then relaxed. With disappointment she closed the bag with another dose of loud crinkling.

"What?" he asked, "Wrong chocolates?"

"No," she said, "They're the right ones."

"Then where'd that huge grin go? Why aren't you freaking out, hm?"

Aiko smiled sadly and looked at the bag. "They're just..."

Deidara looked at her.

"They're just chocolate."

"Well, yeah," Deidara said with slight exasperation, "They're chocolate! What makes this chocolate so special?"

"No, like," Aiko struggled to find the words. Finally, "They're _just_ chocolate. When I was a kid they were the _best_ chocolates, there was something different about them."

Deidara shrugged, "Well maybe they changed the recipe."

"No, they're the same."

He grasped her meaning, but only by thin strands. She could tell. She reopened the bag and offered him one.

"Taste it."

Deidara popped the chocolate in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed before saying, "Yeah, this is certainly chocolate."

"That's the problem," she said, "When I was a kid I thought these things were chocolates descended from the heavens. No other chocolates could compare. These were _the_ chocolates to have. Now so many years later I finally eat one again and-"

"-They're just chocolate," Deidara finished for her, suddenly understanding.

They walked in reflective silence for a few minutes. The crowds thinned as the last of the market stalls fell behind them. Aiko held the bag of sweets in one hand, knuckles white.

Deidara saw something out of the corner of his eye. A small child had peeked out of an alleyway at the two. As they passed, he saw two children hiding behind trash bins, emaciated and dirty. He stopped walking and pulled at Aiko's shirt. She looked back at him, confused.

"Adulthood and perspective may have ruined your chocolates for you," he said quietly, "But I think if you want those chocolates to be the best in the world again, you need to give them away."

Aiko looked past Deidara and saw the children. She smiled and walked past Deidara, letting a hand trail against his shoulder as she passed.

Deidara watched as Aiko walked slowly towards the children. They skittered back like frightened animals. Aiko knelt down and opened the bag of chocolates. The smell of sweets hit the kid's nostrils and the moved slowly forward. Aiko handed each a chocolate. The children slowly put one in their mouths and two simultaneous grins appeared on their faces. Aiko smiled. She handed the biggest kid the bag and told them to share. The children nodded eagerly and ran.

As Aiko came back he saw tears in her eyes.

"Hey," he said, "Now they're the best chocolates in the world again."

"Shut up, dork," Aiko said wiping her eyes.

They walked back onto the street and into the city.


	12. Insanity

12.

It was over.

Deidara was using the last of his strength against the Uchiha. Aiko was getting ready to jump in even though he had told her not to. Deidara and his stupid honor- she wouldn't let this go. He was already severely injured. She pulled out her needles and crouched, preparing to launch.

A hand grabbed her from behind. She was pulled back, a gloved hand over her mouth. Glacing up she saw Tobi watching the battle but refusing to let her go.

"Behold my masterpiece!" Deidara screamed, his voice cracking, "Self-destruction!"

Aiko felt her blood run cold. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Deidara had lost it. She struggled in Tobi's grasp but he was too strong. Deidara was still screaming at the Uchiha boy but Aiko didn't hear it. Her mind was racing. He couldn't really be doing this, he couldn't really be that stupid?

She caught his eye glancing into the dark forest and something in her understood. It wasn't honor, it wasn't insanity- Deidara knew the Uchiha boy's strength and it was enough to kill all three of them. He was saving them.

"I'm sorry," Deidara said, looking straight at her. He glanced above her at Tobi, knowing that they must have planned for this circumstance. Aiko began struggling again. Her mind had gone blank. Her only thought was to get to Deidara.

An explosion of pain rocked her head. She saw black spots in her vision and felt herself being thrown over Tobi's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Deidara's crouching form receded from her vision. Everything went dark.

She awoke in her bed. Relief flooded through her body like a warm rain. It had been a dream, that was all.

She looked over at Deidara's side of the bed which was unmade as usual. He must have gotten up early for some reason. Maybe he was in the bathroom.

"Hun?" she called out, "You in the bathroom?"

She heard a click from the wrong direction. Her bedroom door began to open.

She smiled and began, "There you are, I just had the weirdest-"

Kisame stood in her doorway. Her body stiffened.

"What do you want?"

He just looked at her.

"If you're looking for Deidara, he's in the bathroom, probably," she said knowing somewhere within herself that she was lying.

Kisame went over to the bathroom door and opened it. Deidara wasn't in there.

"So he must've gone out for food or something," Aiko began, grasping at explanations, "Maybe he went for a morning flight. He likes flying. And his birds-"

"Aiko, stop."

"Stop what? He's not here right now but he'll be back in a bit and-"

"Aiko."

Her vision got blurry. Aiko shook her head.

"No he's out, all that was was a dream, we never went that way and we never saw the Uchiha boy, it was a dream Kisame-"

His silence was grating on her, driving her voice to higher and higher volumes.

"It was a dream Kisame, why won't you believe me it was a fucking DREAM!" she screamed.

There was a long pause broken only by Aiko's ragged breath.

"He's dead, Aiko."

"No!" she wailed, standing up, "He's NOT!"

"Aiko-"

"He's COMING BACK!"

"Aiko, he didn't even leave a body."

Something inside her snapped. She began moaning, her knees giving out from under her. Her moans grew louder.

"We're sorry for your loss but you're part of this organization," he said, his voice distant, "And you're expected to carry on. We need your help."

Her moans grew louder as he spoke.

"You're allowed a grieving period of one day. Since there's no body to bury you don't get as long as normally-"

Aiko stopped moaning. She put her hands over her face and rocked. Kisame looked at her with growing apprehension.

She began shrieking.

She only stopped three hours later when she finally lost her voice.


	13. Misfortune

13.

An explosion rocked the church. Dead clergy lay amongst the dead warriors, all united in death with a common goal. Aiko was having none of it.

She stepped over the corpses, residual smoke and debris still wafting through the air. The building was dark. Rustling fabric and small wailing noises echoed against the old stone walls. Aiko stopped walking at the altar. There, crumpled and whimpering, lay a sister of the church.

"Where is he?" she demanded.

The sister let out a small shriek of terror, cowering before Aiko's towering form.

"I'm really not going to wait all day, sister," Aiko said, nudging the woman with her foot.

The woman crawled in an attempt to escape. Aiko stepped on her habit and the woman fell forward. Aiko drew one of her broad swords and hovered the tip above the sister's head.

"Where is he?"

The woman pointed a shaking finger towards the pedestal to the right of the altar. Aiko walked over to it, kicked it, and it fell. The noise shattered the otherwise quiet room, making the woman scream again.

"Oh shut up, will you?" Aiko examined the floor where the pedestal had been. Sure enough, a trap door. Aiko opened it and the smell of the dungeon knocked her back. She did everything she could to not wretch at the smell of feces and rot. Pulling her cloak above her face she stuck her head in.

There lay Deidara, chained to a wall.

She prepared to climb in and finish the rescue but she heard a small voice.

"I will pray for you."

Aiko whipped her head to look at the cowering sister. She had a serene smile plastered on her face and when Aiko caught her eye, she nodded. Aiko looked down at Deidara, hung on the wall like a ritual sacrifice, and then back to the woman. Fury raged inside her like an angry tide. She pulled her feet out of the trap door.

The woman again became frightened. She scooted back, desperately trying to put space between her and Aiko. Aiko pulled out both her swords and pointed one at the woman.

"You think you can save me?" she asked, her voice resonating against the stone walls of the church, "You think your god will save me because you asked?"

The woman had hit the wall of the church and began sobbing in fear.

"You think some ultimate being is going to look down on this situation, deem me important enough to save all because you prayed for me?"

Aiko's swords moved closer.

"Do you think he even values your opinion after what you've been an accomplice to? Or wait, let me guess," Aiko yelled, "He deserved it? As righteous punishment?"

The woman began shrieking in fear. Aiko stuck her sword against the woman's neck and she instantly quieted. Hot piss stained the woman's dress.

"Let me tell you something, bitch," Aiko hissed, inches from the sister's face, "Old gods, new gods, no gods- no one is smiling down on us."

Aiko slit the woman's throat with a quick flick of her wrist.


	14. Smile

14.

They had been partners for the better of two months. As if the whole team relationship wasn't awkward enough, Aiko would never speak more than a few words to him _for an entire mission._

Deidara tried to not care, he really did. They completed missions just fine without extensive communication and he told himself he didn't care if she didn't like him. But, after spending two months with her, he grew agitated that she still wouldn't make polite conversation in the long hours of travel.

Finally, after a close call with some bandits, Deidara snapped.

"Why didn't you tell me what was happening?" Deidara screamed. Aiko had seen the bandits before he did and had leaped into a tree to avoid the trap. Deidara had managed to escape without a scratch and Aiko had finished off half of the bandits but that didn't stop him from being infuriated.

Aiko just shrugged and tried to walk past him. Deidara grabbed her shoulder and wheeled her around to look at him.

"I know you don't want to be here!" he screamed, "And neither do I! But we're a team whether we like it or not so you have to fucking communicate with me!"

"I have no interest in communicating anything but vital information," Aiko said, glaring.

"Being attacked isn't vital information?"

"No."

Deidara stared at her in angry disbelief. Aiko shrugged his hand off her shoulders and turned to continue walking.

"You're such a fucking asshole!" Deidara screamed at her back.

Aiko stopped walking. The air between them crackled with tension. The corpses around them held audience to their fury.

"Why do you hate me?"

She hadn't turned to look at him. Deidara just stared at her form, his rage stopped in it's tracks. Hate her? He didn't hate her- did he?

He heard her sigh. "Listen," she said, turning her head back to look at him, "I'm not here to be your friend, which you obviously don't want anyway. I'm here to work. You make that difficult because my very existence seems to bother you. Until you realize that I'm not here to make your life hell, I'm not going to speak openly with you unless not doing so will compromise our job. When you feel like I'm not out to get you, we can discuss this issue further, if you like."

She turned back and began walking again. Deidara stood, confused, watching her retreating form. 

Two days later Deidara knocked on the door to her hotel room. He heard her footsteps lead up to the door and pause. A few seconds later, the door opened slightly. They looked at each other through the crack in the door for a few moments. Deidara took a deep breath.

"Ok, so, I apologize, hm?" he said, feeling awkward, "I know we got off on the wrong foot and that's my fault. I recognize that. If I have treated you poorly since then, I didn't realize I was doing so. That's not an excuse, just what it is."

Aiko stared at him.

"So, um, I apologize. We have to get used to each other if we're going to be partners for who knows how long."

There was a long, awkward pause before Aiko said, "Thank you," and began to close the door.

"Wait!" Deidara said, putting his hand between the door and the frame. Aiko stopped, looking up at him in surprise.

"Um," he said, "I was wondering if you might want to share dinner with me. My treat. As an, uh, apology?"

Aiko looked at Deidara and he saw her face contort. The skin around her eyes crinkled and her cheeks became taut. Her bottom lip disappeared and the corners of her lips turned up slightly.

Suddenly her face relaxed and she began laughing.

"What?" Deidara said, his brow furrowing.

"You really don't want to do this do you?" she said still laughing.

"Well-"

Aiko's laughter renewed. Deidara stood there, annoyed but somewhat amused, until she gained control of herself.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to," she said with a smile still on her lips.

"Well now I look a fool if I don't," he muttered.

"Fine. Give me five minutes."

The door shut in his face and he heard her giggling to herself behind the door. He felt like an idiot. Yet, somehow, just seeing her smile had made him forget his anger.


	15. Silence

15.

Something had changed.

They had been seeing each other for about a month now. Nothing serious, just casual sex to alleviate their physical needs. It hadn't changed their relationship much. Perhaps they were friendlier to each other and in better moods. But now that was gone. Last night had been different and they both knew it.

Deidara couldn't tell if the change was good or not. It made him a bit nervous as he felt it was mostly his fault. They had met up in his room and stripped, nothing out of the ordinary, until he had become overcome with passion. He had seen Aiko as he had never seen her: her eyes glowing and her skin radiating soft iridescence. He saw her laughter, her smile when he said something stupid, the little crinkle in her forehead when she concentrated. Most out of the ordinary, he saw her as a _person._

Physical desire was shoved to the back burner. Deidara reached a hand out to stroke her face and she had stopped undressing, surprised. With no hesitation he kissed her.

They had never actually kissed before.

Now, flying high above the trees, he realized how last night had been different. It hadn't just been two bodies venting physical frustration, it had been him and Aiko making love. Fucking and making love, he realized, were very different.

He looked at her, her braid trailing behind her in the cold wind. She had barely said a word all morning. They hadn't even met eyes. Normally he wouldn't care but now...

Now he realized he might actually love her and the thought of her rejecting him sent his heart sinking. What had she said the first time? She never wanted anything to change because of casual sex? Had he ruined that for her? His fear formed a dull pain in his chest, making breathing a chore. She continued looking out over the trees, her gaze blank and fixed.

Deidara felt like throwing up.

Aiko couldn't look at him.

When the blonde had touched her face last night her entire body had flushed. He had never touched her so gently, so intimately. Fucking was fine and all, but it was never so passionate. Had she sent messages he didn't want? Had last night's evolution even occurred or was she making it up in her head that things had changed? She honestly didn't know.

She did like Deidara. A lot. She wasn't sure if she would've ever come across the word love when thinking of him until last night happened. It was almost surreal thinking of it now. Did she love him? Aiko couldn't come up with a satisfactory answer.

Yet there he was, right across from her, piloting the damned bird and probably thinking nothing of it. Maybe nothing had changed at all and it was just her head messing with her. She had misinterpreted him before, why should this be any different? Until she knew for sure what her own feelings were, she didn't want to face him. Not yet.

A feeling was there, though. A feeling of being watched. It nagged at her, saying she must look round to see if he was really watching her but she yelled at that voice. Of course he isn't and even if he is it probably doesn't mean anything. The nagger kept at it, though, and finally she decided to steal a glance at Deidara.

Their eyes locked, both wide with surprise and dread. They stared at each other, the moments dripping like molasses. They both understood that the other was fearful of the change. Somehow, that understanding made it easier to relax. Slowly, their bodies unwound and Deidara even was able to smile. They didn't need to speak to know that the other knew.

Something had changed and they'd figure it out together.


End file.
